How to convince anyone to do anything they do not really want to do can be tricky. Home care may become necessary because your father can’t take care of himself but does not see it. If you are not able, qualified, or just feel odd about providing the care he needs you will have to figure out how to get him to accept help.
Hopefully you have a good relationship and can talk freely with your father. A direct conversation is often best, but, if direct didn’t work it is possible you used arguments that convinced you but not him. The trick is to put yourself in his shoes and see what arguments or fears he might have and then target them. Here are a few common types conversations and some suggestions on what may work.
- If your father is the type who needs to be needed and loves to belong he may fear that home care is a sign of weakness, or, a step toward leaving his home and going to the dreaded nursing home. Remind him that with some in home help he will not need to leave his house for a long time. Tell him that you still need him for *fill in the blank*. There is nothing wrong with reassuring him of his value to you and your family and reminding him he is responsible for keeping healthy.
- If your father is the type that sees the big picture, goes with his gut, and is often working toward an ideal he might feel that in home care is not genuine and that with someone in his space he will not be able to be himself. Valid concerns which you can address by asking him to make a list of things that give him trouble. Point out that he is wasting time which can be better spent elsewhere, doing a chore that you both need done. Assure him that he would be the one to choose the help and trust his gut to pick the right person.
- If your father is one who always chafed at rules, authority, and schedules he might feel that a person in the house would limit his freedom and options. Turn this around and show him how some help will expand his freedom because he will have more time. Talk up the limitations of doing everything himself and soon he may see that help is the best way to stay independent.
- If your father is the kind of person who must master a skill and values precision and ability, in home care might seem like giving up on himself. Try to be sensitive of his feelings while also pointing out that age related limitations are not a personal failure. Be pragmatic and get him to see that an aid would be there to help him master the situation and this is a logical progression in life not a step backwards.
One or all of these tactics might work but if all else fails call in someone who can be the heavy. Priest, doctor or friend, find someone your father respects who can get him to come around. Remember this is not about you convincing him, it is about him getting help.